By age 35, you really should have nailed these 9 things...

I came across this article yesterday:  Click me

It amused me enough to write a blog post about it.  I clicked on the original article because I thought I was still 35.  I'll be 37 this year.  Good work, me.

The article begins with -

1. Started Considering a trip to the garden centre as a treat.
Not quite.  While I recognise I no longer hate going to garden centres (I spent many afternoons as a child traipsing around the local garden centre with my mother), I don't leap at the chance to go to one.  Maybe a little bit if it's Haskins and I can get a coffee and slice of cake to appease the boredom.  That's it, I find the whole experience boring.  This is possibly because spiders keep me away from gardening.  Bastards.

2.  Had a sit down meal in IKEA, and enjoyed it.
Yes.  The only reason I went along in the first place, was to get a plate of their famous meatballs.  After being scared witless by being driven up a spiral entrance to the car park in a car that may break down at any time, and then walking around the showrooms on the waly to the cafe pretending to be interested in everything I could see, the meatballs (or more importantly, the sauce they are coated in) were definitely worth the bother.

3.  Nailed your bedtime routine.
Erm, definitely not.  I was doing reasonably well with it, until the clocks changed and I started to think what a good idea it would be to catch the first train into work every day.  In theory, yes it's a brilliant idea.  The problem seems to be between my brain and my body.  My brain has the great thought the night before.  It tells me that I need to set my alarm for 04:20am.  The alarm goes off, and my body says no.  There in begins the daily argument the two have.  The brain reasons, sure maybe it is a tad early and sets the alarm to go off an hour later.  Alarm goes off and body still says no.  Brain gets grumpy with body.  Body promises it will get up if it can get another hour's sleep.  Brain grudgingly agrees.  Only this time, Brain falls asleep with body and the alarm is slept through.  I wake up irritated and disorientated with myself discovering I've missed the boat on getting a train before rush hour. 

4.  Established a tupperware collection.
Oh hell.  For years it only consisted of items I had forgotten to give back to other people, or had, just like this article says, become a competition to see if i could keep all the tupperware delivered by various fast food outlets.  I stopped doing that last year when it became clear that every time i opened that particular cupboard door, the contents would spill out.  I tried to pair boxes with lids and discovered I had masses more lids than boxes, so it was time for an overhaul.  I cleared virtually all of it out and bought a couple of multiple cliplid sets.  I don't concern myself with it anymore.

5.  Made the 'Noise'.
The 'noise' is where you can't bend, can't get up from a seated position, can't get from a seated position into a standing position, etc without making little 'oof' sounds.  I remember when I first started doing this, and it was definitely in my twenties.  Once I noticed what I was doing, I swore never to do it again.  That didn't last long.  I'm quite vocal about moving now.  I believe those little noises I make give a little added impetus to get the movement done.

6.  Collected a drawer full of 'useful' things.
I have such a drawer in my kitchen, next to the oven.  At the time of writing this, it contains the following:

A ball of twine, 2 packs of birthday candles, a bag of empty teabag bags because i was going to make my own teabags and didn't, a ball of string, four spare kitchen drawer handles, 4 antibacterial handwipes, 2 keyring rings, 2 AAA batteries, a bag of screws, a bunch of metal ties for sandwich bags, 6 clothes pegs, lemon essential oil, mint essential oil, 22 packets of chewing gum, a leaf shaped brooch, 2 lighters, half a spool of Gutermann #257 thread, pair of scissors, an elastic band, 2 boxes of matches, 2 receipts, 3 square blue plasters, tiny rolls of sellotape, a packet of rolling papers, 4 black sharpies, 1 grey sharpie, 1 blue sharpie, 5 biros, 1 fabric writing pen, 1 green felt tip, 2 pencils, 1 packet flue medicine, 3 packets thyroid medicine, 6 packets antihistimines, 1 packet IBS medicine, 4 packets paracetemol, three packets ibuprofen, 3 pence, 5 Slovenian Tolar, a diary and a cookbook.  Time for a clear out, then.

7.  Bought a power tool.
No, I have not done this.  I wondered if a sewing machine would count, then realised I didn't buy that either.

8.  Ordered a bottle of wine with a knowledgeable air.
Nope, I hate all wine.

9.  Tutted about Millennials.
I can't.  According to Google, the 'start date' for a Millennial was 1981.  I was born in 1981.




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